Tuesday, November 9, 2010

What God REALLY Wants ...

Did you read that news postings on how this MCA guy suddenly becomes prophetic and says that God actually commands that Christians fight the Islamic state? Now that's confusing, because there's so many prophets in modern day christianity that He has commanded to do different things at different times. Well didn't God whisper to George Bush and told him to go ahead with the Iraq war to curb that country's "Nookular" threats? And how about Reverend Jim Jones. HE was commanded by God too and honestly I tell ya, after you read the stanzas below, you would  be assured that Reverend Jimmy there is far, far more accurate in following God's commandments than any Malaysia MCA chinese-turn-christian any day at all. The same goes for that Wacky Waco preacher.

But fret not. Do not prolong anymore this confusion over God's commandments, over what He wants, and what He doesn't want. The following is a set of God's commandments that I have pooled together from both the old and new testaments that will ensure bliss and peace and harmony for any christian following it, Lee Hwa Beng included. 

 Wanna be a good Christian? Here are a few guidelines
If you follow all of them your life will be blessedly fine
A real Jesus’ disciple is one who, without any tricks,
Hates his entire family  - Luke 14:26

A good Christian is one who follows God’s commandments
Goes to any city and preaches out the testaments
Now if no one there believes in the christian version of heaven
They will face Sodom-Gomorrahs predicament,  Mark 6:11

If you have an obstinate child or a stubborn teen
Then stone him till death [Deuteronomy 21:18]
And if your parents aren’t really who they told you they were
Deut 23:2 says you can’t enter the Lord’s congregations forever

And a christian must not marry a widow, for that’s adultery
[Matthew 5:32, 19:9 & Luke 16:18] say so explicitly
You musn’t believe in a Malaysian judge, or any judge for that matter 
[1 Corinthians 6:1 NIV] couldn’t have advised that any better

You musn’t do business with a non-Christian. 2 John 1:10 prohibits
Or say hello or goodbye or even exchange greets. 
The best if you just become for them a sort of killing machine
 And exterminate them all: Deut 13:6-10,12-16

Kill! Kill! Kill! On that the bible commands you aplenty.
Kill those who worship another god - Exodus 22 :20
Those who differ from your religious views can’t get to heaven. 
Kill them as commanded by Deuteronomy 17:2-7

Kill those who don’t listen to your religious priests
In no uncertain terms Deuteronomy 17:12-13 commands this
Kill any false prophets. Deuteronomy 18:20
And read 1 Kings 20:35-36 if you think the bible ain’t funny

You can’t be a good christian if you hate bloodshed
Jeremiah 48:10 says so without any feeling of dread
And when you do, slay the maids and children, young and old
For in Ezekiel 9:6 that has explicitly been told

For all rapists (or would-be ones), everything is fine
Your victims must marry you, commanded by Deut 22:28-29
And happy is the one who smashes babies against the rocks
Read Psalms 137:9 and you are in for some shocks

Now lets see now all you glasshouse church inhabitants
You may throw rocks if you wish, that’s not my concern
But may I remind Mathew 5:39 before you do categorically so,
“whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also”

So may I?