Friday, August 27, 2010

I am DAP [2]

Me, You and Mummy Foo

I am DAP. Who can touch me?
I can question malay rights and that's not bias
As far as I can tell, I'll only raise hell
If the Ketuk Ketampi girl is chinese and not other-wias

It's true that our Supremo, has a li'l scandalissimo
Not sure if I wanna say it, not sure that I should
But let me plainly tell you, sultry Miss Mummy Foo
Is all that I need to reassure my manhood

That's why I say, in any brief foray
Let's stop this Foo-thing once and for all
But when someone mentioned, in a parliamentary session
It kinda froze my bladder gall

You gotta leave it to us, leave a trail of ruckus
For we are masters of political trickery
But that spy-camera bloop, oversight from our group
How were we to know they didn't change the battery?

It's not that we are clean, and if, by all means
We have a chance to loot, we definitely will
We pitch bale against hay, malay against malay
And fan the Indians against them, just for thrills

We tried to spin the line, 'bout May13 1969
Portrayed UMNO as evil perpetrators
But then this old fart, by the pesky name of Jebat
Exposed us for what we are: true-blue malay haters

None of us were here, I know, 100 years ago or so
All of our grandpas having rowed to this place
But we really do not care, if you think we're unfair
We demand that 30% is too much for the malays

 Now over in Perak there, the Ngeh-Nga cousin pair
They and us were really having a ball
We tried to abolish, but instead got demolished
PAS and PKR and Nizar and all

Now I just couldn't resist, to mention another piece
In Ramadhan your mosques are full of Barokah
So what would be so wrong if Miss Kok or Miss Wong
Speak a little after your solat-Isya Haloqah?

We're mostly chinamen but dont ride on that sentiment,
We have much-sacrificed and we have long-fought
We will get Lee Kuan Yew, to nonchalantly lee-wat you
And take in Johore as well, as an afterthought

So why you worry, we are DAP?
It's not like we don't look good becoming king
Don't be sourgrapes, even your own khatibs
Pray for our Dear Leader's Well being

Whether I'm nasty or nice, let me give you a piece of advice
Let us just end things peacefully
If you raise further ado, no choice I'd have to slap you
With poem "I am DAP" Number [3]


Monday, August 23, 2010

The Humor Intermission [alpha]

Once in a while, just to break monotony, Leman Pulut will present you with those things without which we will not be able to survive the rigmarole of everyday existence: humour! But they'll be just in picture-form, ok. As this first one, Leman Pulut answers the questions which he himself loathe to ask:

How or what do we Malaysians pray for everyday? 

The pictures below might give you some clues:-

Friday, August 20, 2010

I am DAP [1]

Me, an Untouchable

(First published in RockyBru (Closing One Eye On Corruption...), August 2, 2010, 7:41AM)

I am DAP. You can’t touch me
All our party members do no crime
From coast to coast, what we fear most
Is going to Kajang doing time.
Now never fear. All that you hear
About Underworld, about Ronnie and all
Are nothing more than UMNO’s score
It’s as clear as those writings on the wall

We started off clean. But then the Queen
Decided to knight our own Jeffrey Wong
But calling him Sir, caused a bit of a stir
And 2 rights, it seems, CAN make a wrong

Now don’t you ever mock. Tee Boon Hock
And our sanctimonious Letterheads
We’re not rejects. We use ‘em for projects
Why don’t you all kacau Mat Sabu instead.

We dug those sands with our very own hands
And we’re just using them to build sandcastles
But all this commotion, about sand corruption
Is unnerving our Singaporean vassals

But what gels our schlongs: Betty Wong
I know. She’s not even DAP
But if you look closely, you can clearly see
The results of our very own SOP
YB Mike can take a hike
In his qualms about Kumpulan Semesta
Should spend an evening treated as a king
In our own China-mari massage parlour

We’ve a way of handling any whistleblowing
And Teoh Beng Hock shoulda known better
Even Ting Peng, Lim – got his chances dimmed
When he shopped for one DAP parliamenter
I am DAP. Hear me Pee
I'm the Jinjang Joe warned by your mother
I continue to exist, as long as there is
One malay PAS and PKR sympathizer


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A Trail of Two Trials

A tale I relate so you can all be sure
About two trials broadcasted most
The deeds and exploits of Dua Singh berkeluarga
Father, Son and Holy Toast

The Beng Huat Case: now this is queer, you see
From the 14th floor, down he came a flyin’
Whether he’s murdered, or simply a suicidee
He’s now in heaven, hell, or somewhere in between

Now as quick as buick comes the Khalsa son
Equipped with evidences that had undergone demolitions
To finger point the gomen he finds so much fun
Truths being the least of his intentions

Miss Pornthip-she’s the one with the spiky ‘do
Came all the way from the Redlight City
From a mere look at a photo or two
“Foulplay!” she concludes conclusively

Now there’s talk about a suicide prose
A note preceding the flying fraca
Written in Cantonese most clear and verbose
The MACC’s Natural Lingua Franca … (not!)

Whether it be genuine whether it be true
Gobind is all set to discredit said letter
Rogue councillors or Underworld’s Ronnie Lieuw
Are all irrelevant, points the Swashbuckler

Now Gobind’s father, the wheelchaired buckaroo
He counsels Anwar in the liwat case
In case you are not up to date in Malaysia’s who’s-who
That’s the politician with the queer sex taste

In all irrelevant manner Karpal had pointed
Saiful didn’t Mandi Wajib after the alleged incident
Smart though he was, he really had alluded
Anwar did sodomize under his own admission

Love-struck attorneys and two-wifed counselors
Became the object of Karpal’s contentions
But won’t you do the same, if, in order to deter
Find that you’ve run out of defensive motions?

Are they smart, are they nincompoops?
That’s the question puzzling analysts
From MC’ed counsels to glitches and bloops
These two use the stupidest strategies

To lead main roles in a courtroom drama
Dua Singh Berkeluarga are sent from heaven
What we get instead, oh holy mama
Are Banghra performances by two comedians

And thus boys and girls, it is imminent
That in this troubling times and age
Should you want some poetic soothing liniment
Drop by once a while in Leman Pulut’s page!

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Sodomee Quatrains

(First published in Sakmongkol (On Anwar Ibrahim)
7 August 2010, 7:35 AM July 16, 2009, 7:57PM)

Oh me oh my did I sodo-my
That’s for all you guys to figure out, you see
But I have managed to inflict carnage
On you, on them, on this DPP

Now it’s been age-old, and this boy Saiful
It’s not that he’s absolutely clean, you see
But then sort of - push gets into shove
We had always been using KY-Jelly

It was sexual but was it consensual?
That’s a game you’d like to see through finals

But as a clue I will guide you through:
The bliss was indeed purely anal

The consternations on my ejaculations:
For this you have got to be fair
Cos in your right mind how could you find
My DeoxyriboNucleicAcid in there?

Now Sodo One: that was so much fun
Had it not been for Khalid Jaafar
Sukma, Anees, that was so much bliss
And Azizan and me really went far

I nearly bent when my flair for men
Was exposed in parliament by Karpal Singh
But luckily that pesky Benggali
Is now counsel in my court hearing

I make a stand that my working men
And all my coffee boys are cute
I guarantee they’ll like my SOP
Plus my banana passion fruit

Wolfowitz, Gore, they are such a bore
Cos they are all heteros and straight
But then give me, boys in bikini
And it will increase my metabolic rate

So the lesson, to be well learnt
Is that in our good old nation state
If you have a passion for sodomization
You are just as good as dead.


Sodomee Postscript

It seems that err… I made a blunder
In names I sometimes get blurry
That particular Khalid, the one of late
Isn’t Khalid Jaafar, but Khalid Jeffry!

The AnnoyinglyAnonymousLemanPulut

Were I ...

(First published in RockyBru (Wee quits PKR), 10:09 am, May 14, 2010)

Were I Saiful I will, without doubt,
Face the courts all erect and stout
First thing I’d establish is
The length and girth of Anwar’s penis
And Karpal can confirm that --- in camera or out

Were I Saiful, slender and pale
I’d furnish the courts with juicy details
Of Anwar’s size and circumference
So I don’t give any wrong inference
And I ain’t talking bout his torso, all you Gani Patails!

Were I Saiful---not that I’d like to be
I’d rather be content with---what was it----making coffee?
But all this consternation
`bout an illegal sodomization
Has taken quite a toll on me personally

Were I Saiful, I’d ask Karpal Singh
Would he take my place on that night of reckoning
Can you modestly, honestly say
What role that you would then play:
Being sodomized, pray tell, or doing the sodomizing?

Were I Saiful upon being stunned
About that wajib bath I didn’t take the following morn
I see your point, but don’t it all seem
I am no more a bad muslim
Than you are, Karpal, a very good one!

But worse is the thought that makes me shudder
Were I PKR and supporting the brader
Will there be any satisfaction
In the dire comprehension
That this country should be led by a sodomizer ?

And were I an ultra racist DAP
It matters not sodo-you or sodomee
In this case what’s important most
Is that from coast-to-coast
This country be ruled by a rep of Lee Kuan Yee

And were I PAS, I’d be in full bliss
Whoever I pangkah, I run the least risk
For then what is there to worry
There’s a double, triple guarantee
Of a place in heaven, courtesy of Nik Ajis

But luckily I am neither: And God, I thank thee
And nor am I PAS or PKR or Dee-Ay-Pee
And I ain’t Saiful either, plain as a boat
I’m just good old Leman Pulut
(And try hard as I might, searching high and low, I just can’t seem to end this limerick with any word that ends in “eee…”!)

Sunday, August 15, 2010


(First published in RockyBru (Whose DNA?), July 30, 2009)

What to do now that the DNA
Have denied us to shout “Foul Play!”
But one Tan something Boon
Have made himself one nasty goon
By asking advice from that GobindoYennadey

Now one fellow by the name Ronnie Liu
He shouts, he swears, and he tendang pintu
But he conveniently forgot
He’s UnderWorld’s big shot
As alleged by that MP Wee something Choo

So now we have come this far in this case
A murder turned into a conflict of race
But as in the Prison Ketuk Ketampi
Not a chinese, but a malay from Jambi
Its always been political-mileaging DAP in the first place.

And we have one hundred willing DNA volunteers
And some DAP members thought of as racketeers
But upon being asked to submit
Their DNA, why they threw a tantrum fit
Courtesy of Gobind Deo Singh, Supreme DAP Bandolier

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Winken, Blinken and Nod

(First published in RockyBru (YB “Shit Stirrer”), July 16, 2009, 7:57PM)
Winken, Blinken and Nod
Landed in Selangor’s Golden Pod
Where these Siblings 3
Shed off some anonymee
And resume names that don’t sound too odd

Now the first becomes a Wu Li Dance Master
Takes a night time job as a covert gangster
China Dolls in Puchong sections
Enjoy so much protections
Courtesy of Ronnie Lieuw, Esquire!

Sassy YB Theresa Kok aka Miss Sue
Mistook some jailbird snacks for fifo’s foo
But being unmarried
Has so much merit
We at last know what she needs most, and a good one too!

Now the Thing about Elizabeth Wong
Is that Two rights do make a wrong
Especially at night
When she sleeps tight
She does so without an inch of Thong!

And there we have it folks, the DAP three
On a grand Interplanetary Shopping Spree
To convert this noble land
To be owned by ambitious chinamen
Prodded on by Mr Lee Kuan Yee!