Things that stump Leman Pulut

Many a days I spend thinking and thinking

Many a nights I get by getting all confused
Frequent are the times I lose sleep, pondering
Over vegetarians who wear leather shoes!

Then there’s the shampoo and conditioner in one:
How on earth do they ever DO that?
And if a baby is actually brought by one stork
How many are needed to deliver quintuplets?

Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?
Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?
If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,
From whence then came Elizabeth Wong?

Some things greatly mystify Leman Pulut
And some just left him absolutely stumped
Like that age-old Humpty Dumpty question:
Was he pushed or did he himself jump?

What can one be called appropriately
If one tries to fail and succeed in doing so?
If you are ALREADY in Hell and pissed off with someone
Where would you tell him to go?

If you are a Muslim Pontianak or a Jewish vampire
And they show a cross: will you tremble?             
Or if you’re a Christian one and a witness in court
Will you swear and put your hand on the bible?

These are things that stump Leman Pulut
And spend some sleepless nights pondering over
For example if love is really, truly blind
Why is marriage such an eye opener?
 
I know this sounds insanely awkward
And I don’t want to sound utterly ingrate
But I was thinking if one jogged backwards
Do you think one would gain weight?                                                      

If dose is spelt like rose and pronounced like ghost
Why does lose sound like choose but not spelt loose?
If could and would and should all rhyme
Why is mould pronounced differently at all times?

How can laughter be the best medicine,
When there are so many out there who die laughing?
And when a lisper’s boat capsizes over
Is he thinking or is he sinking?

Why do they let banks grow new branches
If they say money doesn't grow on trees?
Are there things that other animals cannot do
But done superbly by the birds and the bees?

Who taught a Kernal to read a jolonel
Who was Peter Gunn to Henry Mancini?
When cherubs take on their harps in heaven
Do they do Bach or do they play Paganini?

To prove to your church that you have faith in God
Will you uninstall the lightning rod from its roof?
But none of the above can beat Leman’s difficulty
In trying to end this poem with something REMOTELY meaningful but still maintain it to rhyme with “oof”!