Were I ...

(First published in RockyBru (Wee quits PKR), 10:09 am, May 14, 2010)


Were I Saiful I will, without doubt,

Face the courts all erect and stout

First thing I’d establish is

The length and girth of Anwar’s penis

And Karpal can confirm that --- in camera or out

Were I Saiful, slender and pale

I’d furnish the courts with juicy details

Of Anwar’s size and circumference

So I don’t give any wrong inference

And I ain’t talking bout his torso, all you Gani Patails!

Were I Saiful---not that I’d like to be

I’d rather be content with---what was it----making coffee?

But all this consternation

`bout an illegal sodomization

Has taken quite a toll on me personally

Were I Saiful, I’d ask Karpal Singh

Would he take my place on that night of reckoning

Can you modestly, honestly say

What role that you would then play:

Being sodomized, pray tell, or doing the sodomizing?

Were I Saiful upon being stunned

About that wajib bath I didn’t take the following morn

I see your point, but don’t it all seem

I am no more a bad muslim

Than you are, Karpal, a very good one!

But worse is the thought that makes me shudder

Were I PKR and supporting the brader

Will there be any satisfaction

In the dire comprehension

That this country should be led by a sodomizer ?

And were I an ultra racist DAP

It matters not sodo-you or sodomee

In this case what’s important most

Is that from coast-to-coast

This country be ruled by a rep of Lee Kuan Yee

And were I PAS, I’d be in full bliss

Whoever I pangkah, I run the least risk

For then what is there to worry

There’s a double, triple guarantee

Of a place in heaven, courtesy of Nik Ajis

But luckily I am neither: And God, I thank thee

And nor am I PAS or PKR or Dee-Ay-Pee

And I ain’t Saiful either, plain as a boat

I’m just good old Leman Pulut

(And try hard as I might, searching high and low, I just can’t seem to end this limerick with any word that ends in “eee…”!)